Dr. Doner’s Blog

The Gift of Failure

This last year I’ve been given the “gift of failure.”

 

The economy has tanked. I can’t retire at 62 as planned. And what was I going to do with all my energy and knowledge and skills anyway? Just keep busy? I’d been a bit concerned about a sense of purpose during retirement. Now I’ll have to work until 70, doing work I love. What a gift!

 

My hopes of speaking tours (and who knows—a book, TV spot?) have been dashed. No one wanted to attend my very well publicized workshops in Sedona. All that effort wasted! So now I get to enjoy my home and can stop hard-selling my persona to the over-sold public. It was all ego anyway, not my true self. I now have the time to dig my pond deeper for swimming, plant trees and take children camping. What a gift!

 

Finances are totally uncertain. Security has vanished with the plunging stock market. Business has slowed like small business everywhere. But there is a steady trickle still coming in. I know it’s unpredictable, so I welcome every referral and I kiss every check. “Thank you, thank you,” for every opportunity to help a client. “Thank you, thank you,” with every bank deposit. No five year plans for me. Just a spontaneous practice of daily gratitude. What a gift!

 

No more mindless spending either. Gone are the frequent restaurants, art purchases and gifts. The occasional European vacation is a thing of the past. Every meal out is celebrated, every purchase is treasured and every trip is thoroughly relished as special. What a gift!

 

My right knee failed me when I tore the meniscus in Sedona. It was just repaired and has a doubtful future. No more back-packing or jogging, I was advised. No more heedless jaunts around the neighborhood, unconscious of my body’s movement. I focus on the steps, an enforced mindful walking. I wish for my health and others’ health with every twinge. What a gift!

 

I’ve been receiving failure after failure. I’ve been humbled. I had become a victim of my own success, which only bred more self-preoccupation. Now humility is breeding awareness and gratitude. I’m connected with everyone else who’s having a hard time and concerned for their small businesses and for their knees.

 

And so I wish for all of us continued “success” at finding the gifts in failure. May all of our sufferings soften us. May all of our hearts open and connect us. May all of our failures turn to blessings.

 

Kathy Doner, MD     3-2-09-09